The combustive human enthusiasm between the establishment of
Spain’s Ministry of Sex and the Ministry of Happiness and Couple
Fulfillment in Imo State, is only tempered by Saudi Arabia’s Committee
for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. The Saudi
contraption is a dampener monitoring whether women are properly dressed
so as not to attract men; if men go to mosques for the regular prayers
and whether bacherlors and spinsters are segregated.
All these seek to negate the intention of the Spanish Ministry
which is partly to ensure that citizens are so attracted that they can
copulate freely and produce plenty babies for the future of their
country. This is more so when there are migrants especially from Morocco
all over the place copulating, procreating and populating. This is
why marches like the braless ones, or those that want women to dress
any how it pleases them without repercussion, are not uncommon. This is
real freedom.
I had wandered about the Spanish kindergarten, learning social
studies and being taught about Ministries. Supposing the kid asks what
is sex and why it deserves to be part of government structure? I suppose
the kid will be told the truth; that sex is the physical activity
between mummy and daddy or aunty and uncle. I suppose that will be
catching them young. That surely will be better than the modernist
culture of homosexuality and same-sex marriage.
My favourite Governor, Rochas Okorocha of Imo State has by thinking
out of the box and doing the uncommon, already put Nigeria on the world
map of unique governance. But he needs to follow the logic of the
Spaniards; you cannot have a Ministry of Happiness and Couple Fulfilment
or its new nomenclature of ‘Purpose Fulfillment’ without factoring in
the implied work of a Ministry of Sex. He needs to understand that
generally, for happiness and fulfilment, you need to start with leisure
which has given birth to the ‘Thank God It’s Friday’ Movement. Then
leisure will be followed by pleasure which culminates in happiness. So
properly speaking, it should be the Ministry of Leisure, Pleasure,
Enjoyment and Happiness.
One good move Rochas made was to appoint his beautiful sister as
the Honourable Commissioner for Happiness. This is putting a round peg
in a round hole; a beautiful lady that can inspire happiness hormones
and trigger the process. The Spaniards should emulate Rochas by
appointing the appropriate person to head any given Ministry. For
instance, the Minister of the Sex Ministry should be a public
housewife; an expert who knows about it both as pleasure, and a
business.
I have read a number of reactions to Rochas ingenuity; some so rude
as to label him a ‘madman’. This is taking the freedom of expression
and democratic license too far. Even if their false claim that Rochas
needs to see a doctor is correct, I can confidently argue that there is a
method to the alleged ‘madness’ which means he is in full control of
his faculties. He did not just wake up one morning to create the new
Ministry. He had always thought about creating happiness in the face of
want, deprivation and unpaid salaries. So in August 2016, he reduced
the weekly work days from five to three. It meant that workers in the
state would go to work from Monday to Wednesday and start the weekend
from Thursday; being off work four days weekly. That was real
enjoyment. He extended the enjoyment to children by giving them pocket
money. Some grumbled that he was teaching the children bad habits as
they could claim any money found with them was part of the Rochas pocket
money. Yet when he stopped, Imolites began campaigns that he was not
sincere in the first place, saying that he is a leader of the ruling
All Progressives Congress, APC, with the true acronym of the party being
‘All Promises Cancelled’.
Then the great Rochas went spiritual deciding to build chapels in
the 27 Local Governments in the state, and he was criticised for
building houses for God instead of human beings. Can you see how the
devil works? When he destroyed the Imo State Library and replaced it
with a church, people were also angry. They preferred the acquisition of
human knowledge to that of The Almighty.
In his unique style, Rochas has carried out massive demolition of
structures including an ancient market, a culture which angered many who
would want him build rather than destroy. But Rochas forgives the
people for they know not what they are doing or what he is doing. His
Commissioner for Information, Tourism and Public Utilities, Chief
Vitalis Orikezie Ajumbe belaboured himself explaining the Rochas
Philosophy which is that: “destruction leads to development…if you
don’t destroy, you won’t develop”. In simple English; you must destroy
in order to build.
When Rochas the Great, as part of a Nigerian delegation took a
photograph with President Barack Obama, he turned it into a huge bill
board in the state which the people can behold with pride, smile and be
happy. He was attacked for such a noble gesture just as he was attacked
for meditating at a meeting in Washington between President Mohammadu
Buhari and World Bank President, Jim Yong Kim. The claim was that he
slept through the meeting.
Governor Rochas has since moved on to higher callings; where he
travelled to visit Presidents, now he invites them and builds statues in
their memory. South African President Jacob Zuma came, and saw, as did
Liberian President Helen Sirleaf. At least when Imolites look at Zuma’s
bust, they will know that their state is backed by the South African
Rand and gold. The statues, Roachas explained, are to educate the
people. Before the end of his tenure, we look forward to more of these
visits and statues; at least sculptors in the country have a patron.
Despite his best efforts, the Governor has not succeeded in putting
Nigeria in the Guinness Book of Records as far as governance goes. But
he can do that by creating the highest number of Ministries. The record
52 cabinet Ministers is held by President Mahinda Rajapaksa of Sri
Lanka. To create a new record, he can create many more Ministries and
there can be no shortage of names; Spain for instance has a Ministry
of Equality and another Ministry of Territorial Policy. Governor Rochas
holds a promise for Nigeria; when he declared: “by the time I leave
office, my successor will be jobless”. I believe him, and I think you
should also.
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Written by Owei Lakemfa
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