The beautiful thing as a stay-at-home mom is that you
have more time, so make sure you are investing the right amount into parenting,
and not just in an endless stream of Telemundo or Netflix.
“Scaling
up.”
This is one term you hear used in the corporate
world a lot, especially in businesses. No matter what you do, at some point,
you will be looking at scaling it up—that is, embracing the stretch and doing
things on a remarkably larger scale.
Recently though, I got an understanding of what
scaling up can mean to me as a mom. I was in church with my kids, in an area called
Annex One. Here parents are allowed to sit with their kids, as opposed to
splitting into the main auditorium and children’s church. My kids go to the
children’s church, but on that day, for a few reasons, I decided we should all
stay in Annex One. My husband had some drama parking, and so didn’t join us
until almost the end of the service. He missed what I intend to share.
Now, my first son had gotten into the habit of
not just wanting the bigger piece of everything, but also wanting to exchange
with his younger brother, when his own piece has significantly depleted.
I ignored it as ‘childish behavior’ he would soon
grow out of, until he did it in church and I very casually said ‘No,’ and
exchanged it right back. That was when the drama began.
I almost could not believe my son. He screamed,
flared his arms, cried, and generally was supremely naughty. All my pleas for
caution were ignored and he kept making a scene, disturbing other worshipers.
To put things in context, my son is not one. My son is a whooping
four-year-old. Even when I threatened to spank him, which would typically cause
an adjustment in his behavior, he didn’t stop. The lady beside me offered me
some biscuit to give to him, so he would stop being upset at not having his
brother’s. Of course, I declined the offer. And although my shoes had given way
in church, I walked out bare feet with him, took him to a corner, and gave him
a good spanking before he stopped and we returned to church.
I wish I could say he didn’t ask again, but he
did, this time very quietly, and was quick to shut it down when I said no.
However, in the middle of all his initial drama, a voice said to me, “Eziaha,
you cannot correct in public what you tolerate in private, because it scales up
pretty fast in public.”
Welp!
I was shocked at the accuracy. I had tolerated
that behavior privately for so long, so why did I think it was going to
disappear just because we were in public? Actually, I had the wrong reaction to
that situation. What I should have done was give him what he wanted, and not
disrupt the flow of other worshipers. I should have waited to go home with a
resolution to do better.
That incident was super embarrassing, I tell you.
But it caused me to really introspect as a mum. If you are a stay-at-home mum,
chances are high that you spend a lot of time with your kids, and it can get
pretty easy to overlook a lot of things. It is almost like a normal thing,
especially if you have made the kids the center of your world (which you should
not). I resolved to be wiser and not look at a habit in isolation any longer.
Rather, I will take it, scale it up to 100 in public, and see how it plays out.
If I don’t like it, then I immediately start to correct it in private before it
goes public on a larger scale.
I know that in this generation, we want to raise
our kids a tad differently from how we were raised. For example, we want our
kids to have more freedom to express themselves. But there is thin line between
expressing yourself and being rude, and if I am a student of my kid, I can tell
which needs to be let go of, to be called to the carpet and completely
eliminated or channeled right. While you do not want to break their spirits by
disciplining them over everything, you also don’t want to raise and shoot out
into the world overindulged, rude, entitled, and spoiled kids. There is nothing
cool, modern or 21st century about the latter.
While this can be a thin line sometimes, with
some help, research and in-depth study of your kid, you will soon be able to
know which is which. A real 21st century mum is woke, and by woke I mean she
invests the time, resources and energy needed to parent right. The beautiful
thing as a stay-at-home mom is that you have more time, so make sure you are
investing the right amount into parenting, and not just in an endless stream of
Telemundo or Netflix. And just because we are all inter-connected in this crazy
world, you really do not want to raise functional and well adjusted kids while
letting your friends’ kids, especially those who work outside the home, get
away with behavior you know can be corrected early. So with wisdom, love and no
judgement, you can share what you learn with your friends. After all, your kids
are going to be interacting with a lot of kids, so who knows what rewards the good
counsel you throw out into the atmosphere will bring you.
Oh, by the way, I wrote a post on being a student
of your kids and also on not making
your kids the center of your world right here on BellaNaija. You can check
both of them out. And in case anyone wondered about my shoes, well, I suspected
they would give way in church, so I had a second one in the car, which my
husband went to bring for me. Yes, as a mum, you sometimes have to pack a bag
for yourself, too, not just your kids.
Bellanaija
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